Bro, what's wrong with the latest photo? Is it the belt and the waistcoat? The unbuttoned button? I'm new to this menswear thing and some of the outfit you criticize looks quite fine to me. Some explanations apart from the jokes would be really helpful. Thanks NTB.
First of all, that waistcoat is…something—four pockets, heavy chalk stripes and white stitching to boot. Second, no one, and I mean no one, who has grown at least one pubic hair should ever wear a Casio watch. And finally, as a general rule, white accessories are just plain wack, and that hat is no exception, particularly when homeboy is rocking quarter brogues and a wool tie. The whole look screams “Wilmer Valderrama,” and if you don’t see the problem in that, well, then you really need to do some soul searching.
Edit: Thanks to Tower of Sleep for playing center field—I had a brain fart this morning and failed an idiom exam regarding sore eyes and shit like that. Oops.
Further proof that a large portion of our idols have absolutely no taste whatsoever: they pay boners like Brad Goreski to dress them. Lawrence spoke God’s word when he said that people are under the assumption that “knotting up a bow tie suddenly makes you well-dressed.”
I mean, look at this turd. I wore shoes like that during my fist-pumping, eyebrow-waxing, D’Jais-frequenting days. Put another way: I wore shoes like that when I had no fucking idea how to dress like a normal member of society. So what does that say about B-Rad? I wish I could answer this question and just put an end to this rant, but how could I do such a thing when his trousers are billowing at his ankles like a useless parachute? Or when his waistcoat’s bottom button is fastened? And I know he loves his accessories, but dude, come on—he’s no Atticus Finch. What in God’s name is he carrying in his briefcase? A couple of extra pairs of underpants for the seemingly oft-occurring happenstance of him shitting himself in disbelief every time someone like Jessica Alba throws him a couple of bones for his “world class” styling abilities?
What a joke.
Black friday outfit: sweater, shirt, belt by michael Bastian for GANT, jeans: Dsquared, vest: Brunello cucinelli, boots: red wing (Taken with instagram)
Dressed by the internet, I’ve never seen someone look so awful in Cucinelli. I predict he becomes the male Snooki by 2013. But then again, I’ve never seen someone with less talent make more of himself than this doucher, so, can’t knock the hustle.
Homeboy looks like he’s doing the Snooki charging bull dance from the Meatball Mashup episode. Sad thing is: Snookums the Sloven probably would look better in those pants than this joker.
“DTF has a new meaning: Down to Formal!”—Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino on his new line of formal wear. More info on the Jersey Shore star’s seriously-this-is-not-a-joke fashion endeavor here.
Mr. Sorrentino resembles the progeny of generations of cross-breeding between Troll dolls, Balboas and genetically enhanced roosters. Years from now, grammar schools will teach their students about this hideous new creature—Catholic schools that subscribe to scientific creationism will refer to him as humanity’s middle finger to God.