Sometimes the English language presents an injustice to its speakers. I am looking for a word that conveys an extremely foreign, uncomfortable feeling with which I am overcome having looked at this picture. In a phrase, that would be “shocking, in a pejorative sense, resulting in feeling both uneasy and completely disappointed with humanity at the same time.” Words like “horrified” and “appalled” do not exactly convey this message. With pictures like this floating around the internet—collar gaps, putrid color combinations and tie knots so dull they make the thought of watching professional darts on ESPN sound interesting—the English language needs to evolve, and fast.
Matching your pocket square identically to your tie is dull and amateurish. If given the opportunity to order two sides at a restaurant, would you go in on a double stack of salads? If you answered this question in the affirmative, you have no imagination and need to live a little; that is, unless you have a roughage deficiency. Then, I feel for you, homie.
Remember that scene in Pauly Shore’s
classic film Jury Duty where Dick Vitale is freaking out, rambling on and on, faster and faster, like the dude from the Micro Machines commercials, about something not even hardcore college basketball junkies care about to the point where his head explodes?
Well, when someone engages me in a conversation about madras on madras I come dangerously close to reenacting that scene.
And that sport coat looks like a 3/2 roll that’s been pressed incorrectly so shame on that herb for buttoning the top button. If it indeed is not a 3/2 roll, well then homie’s still a herb for purchasing a 3 button coat.